The best time that I've had in ages! You haven't lived until you've seen some old friends do the chicken dance, or watched Nancy demonstrating how Linda W. put drops in her nose! Maybe my pictures will have captured some of the fun and wonderful food, friends, and gifts. Life is a blessing.

Last night was so perfect with friends, friends, friends, that I am not touching anything this morning, just savoring the wisps of remembered laughter floating down the stairs and the glow of girlish triumph clumped around the karaoke machine. Do you remember when you were a kid and the fun of rolling over and over down a steep side of the lawn? There are some itching girls out there this morning recalling the thrill.

I ask you this; "How did I, the person so allergic to cats that I can't breathe in an enclosed room with one, end up with 1 barn tomcat, 1 back deck tomcat, 2 patio tomkittens, and lest we forget, 1 imaginary cat(a gift from my baby sister)?" I will tell you how; the minute that we realized that Abby and Mallory love cats and kittens, well, there you go, anything for the girls!

I am missing my little sister; spending Friday with her, shopping at resale shops and antique stores and eating out somewhere we both love!

I am going through my annual late summer addiction to the food channel, and we all are looking well-fed around here! My next project is to try a few canning projects-very small-just some pints of tomatoes and a few pickles. I would like to learn how to make my own tomato sauce as much as can whole tomatoes. Maybe even can my own spaghetti sauce.

I want my life back

I want my life back. Last night, I dreamed again of a classroom. This time it wasn't one I call a nightmare. The nightmares are the ones where I can't get to the kids on time, or I keep trying to get to school or I'm outside and can't get the door open to my class. This was a real dream. I could smell the sweat of the ponytail of the little girl who was hugging me. I want this back. I want to see their faces turned toward me as the sunflower follows the light. I could smell the chalk in the dream. I was one of the last ones to still use chalk. There is so much magic in chalk. It can lure you in to math races, it can trace the outline of your hand, it can draw the planets in order, My Very Eager Mother Just Sent Us Nine Pizzas, it can draw a map of your life and then you can change it in a second. I want my life back. I want to smell the box of pencils when you open them, and wonder at the magic they will wring from a disbelieving mind. I want to teach you a new word and have it float back to me as you go to lunch. Discombobulate. I want my life back. I am existing in a clear bubble of "you don't really seem to be a part of me anymore". Even my family forgets that I am here, alone, working through each day, fighting the horror of being forgotten by the humans around you. I want my life back. I want to be the go-to gal of the hallway. I want to be searching all summer for objects at yard sales that will let a child feel, touch, explore, take home, question, answer new knowledge. Things like barns for Charlotte, and plastic food for Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs, play money from old games to send home to a needy child to practice with, huge bins for legos cause you never get too old for legos, a ratty old box of arrowheads from some widows garage, stuffed toys to hug when you are not for sure about how to borrow and carry. I want my life back. I want to go to workshops and rail against the stupidity of some new order of teaching and watch as the new order turns into the old order that I was already wearing like some comfortable old sweatshirt. I want to drive myself somewhere just because, just because I wanted to go, not have to plan 3 days ahead of time to exist in a change of medication. I want my life back. I want my husband to just assume when he gets home that I am okay. I don't want to see for one more day that look of "please let today have been a good day for her". I want to just hop in tennis shoes and walk the back forty with him. I want to laugh about forgetting my phone number instead of seeing that wrenching look of horror cross his face as he realizes that it is getting worse. I want my life back. I want to plan a trip for my kids that will include a museum that will be filled with tons of things to talk and write about later. I want to volunteer to help at Bible School, volunteer for the Relay for Life, volunteer to decorate for Harvest, volunteer to tutor, volunteer to help a friend with a broken arm, volunteer to help with girl scouts, volunteer to cook for a new family. I want my life back. I don't want to see the edges of me starting to turn clear and know that my invisibility is advancing by minute degrees. I want to have parties and sleepovers and gossip fests and feel plugged into by other people. I want my life back.

Just Musings

Well, we have new kings of the hill around here. The mockingbirds have become like pets with no fear of cats, dogs, or humans. Today, they just sat on the railing, 2 feet from me while I had my morning pretend coffee. I guess that I will take the camera out and get some REALLY close up pics.
We are headed out this morning to Bentonville to the grandgirl. Sach and Codi are having a cookout, so we'll get to see some friends and other babies. Jake is in Mexico and it makes me nervous when I can't talk to him, he will never get over being the baby of the family even at 25.
It is like April out this morning with the temps in the 60's. I sat outside yesterday and read my magazines and books for over an hour......it is amazing what it does to your psyche to be able to be outside in the fresh air.
I have finished my official week of no news tv. I presented myself the challenge of no news or talk shows for 1 whole week. The reason that I chose these is because I am addicted to them. Also, no nasa, or discovery, or anything on the internet besides blogs. I needed to cleanse my mind and focus on my meditation and calm. It is amazing to think that I do not know what happened in the world for one week. NO weather channel, no earthquake check, no nothing. The book that I am reading about true meditation suggests this as a way of letting go.
oops, have to go get ready to travel,
later

Rainy Day Musings

Rain, rain, go away. Wouldn't it be wonderful if it rained all night and the sun shone all day. I guess, though, that would mean that we lived in Hawaii, and I do love my Ozarks and hardwoods so I will cope. We have had the most unusual summer ever!

I have been working like crazy on my scrapbooking projects and I'm starting small ones for various people for Xmas presents. Last year, I did photos for everyone and I wanted to tweak my gift this year.

Yesterday, Eddy took me to Mt. Home for the opthamologist. I needed a driver as the dilation of pupils makes one snowblind in July. After we finished there, we went to see our new great-nephew, Wesley Oliver, born on July 13. Babies are abounding around here. Later we to Fred's Fish House on the way home, and were a bit disappointed by the food. Since Eddy is very fond of all you can eat places, I think he came away hungry. A hungry man is not a happy one!

Just July

Well, I am stuck in the house again for a while as we change medicine once again. This time, it has caused me to have little appetite except for green beans. I know , it sounds almost like pregnancy! At least everyone has plenty of fresh stuff from the garden.
I have been on a scrapbook bender and have almost finished one of Reesa for the month of June. I finally got smart about it and went to a site and ordered a set of stuff for scrapbooking each month. This is a lot easier on me since trying to get to the store in Mountain Home or Hobby Lobby wasn't working out! I would end up with an overwhelming amount of stuff that I never used. I am also much better off staying out of stores on my limited budget.
I go tomorrow for another MRI in Mountain Home on my brain. Then off to a new neurologist in Jonesboro. I have been having a terrible time with the black spots in front of my eyes and the speech problem has arisen again. So, MRI, then CT scan, then another EEG in Jonesboro. This is how Eddy and I spend vacation and quality time together!!