Reasons for Edward Cullen to Bite Me!

I can't see a thing up close anymore. Not so bad because you can use cheater glasses except in the bathtub or while you are putting on make-up. So in the summer, I go outside and use the hose to shave my legs so I don't end up with half a forest going up the side of one leg. Since I just finished the Twilight series, vampires have been on my mind! I started thinking this morning, if Edward bit me, I'd have extraordinary vision and I wouldn't have to worry about shaving outside where the UPS man might catch me in a compromising position. But wait, if he bit me, I wouldn't have to worry about shaving ever again! My legs would be gorgeous marble shapes with no human hair. For a lady who has been shaving a brunette forest from her legs since 4th grade, the venom doesn't sound so bad. Then I sat there thinking, for women, the possibilities are endless. No more worrying about the brunette roots in this long mane of blond hair. Oh, and wrinkles, why it sounds to me like venom is the new botox. And if you are younger and considering Edward's bite, then no more pms! You would gain not only immortality, but 2 more weeks every month of your long life. No swelling or psychotic behavior for a week.
No wonder vampires are rich. They aren't buying food, razors, lotion, Motrin, etc. ever again.
Now this is only if Edward bites you. If his alter ego, Robert Pattinson bites you, well, that wouldn't be so bad, either. You could sell that part of your body on ebay for enough to retire. So things are looking good any way you look any way you bite it!