No more machines!

I have had it with anything mechanical. My dishwasher is losing water like granny without her depends. My washing machine shudders when I go near like a wild man on crack. My mixer only works on the slowest setting and ejects the beaters spontaneousl...y kinda like a robot losing its mojo. My hair straightener thingy just quit-no heat or passion left in it; kinda like my.....well, I won't give an example for that!