Choose

I think this leaf is my palm. So if someone were reading it they would see many splits and choices. My life line I intend to be long, I was going for a 100 but after reading an article somewhere I've decided on 110. That means that I still have 62 years to live, so I ordered the book, "Quantum Wellness" and I'm giving up meat, animal products, and gluten for a short time. The length of time being dependent upon my will power.
All of this had been recommended by multiple studies and doctors on the web so I need to regenerate my nerve communication. Hasn't been done yet, well, see this lifeline on the leaf above. I'm thinking that I will be the first and there will be one of the major deviations from the straight -line thinking that I've fought against all my life anyway.

Today is one of those clear days in the Ozarks that makes you feel guilty that you live here. The air is like the crispness of a freshly bitten apple and it drips down your face.
The guilt arising because there are so many others in this world wrapped up in their lives in dirty, scary places. Their jobs and such strangling the chance to get somewhere like this like chains around the Mafia's suspect's legs at the bottom of the Hudson. I will not not appreciate the wackiness of being forced to experience this greatness, this life that someone else wants.

more later, just got too hot out on the lounger...and you thought that I was philosphically inclined. No, just sweaty and cooling off on the coop's genius, decided to express.

Have no glasses on as I wait for my hair to color. Thought that I wanted to go blond but have nixed that idea as it is a pain in the a... to color longer hair. So staying with mostly God-once-given shade of brown. Only it has a glam name like Sunrise Baby Freckle Brown which makes one wonder what kook head got into the mythical haircolor crayon box with one too many pina coladas.

Rain and more rain fell today. Just in time to save me from sure destruction if I had been forced to run those fire hoses even one more day. The electric bill is my enemy in the summer as I won't let you die in my yard. You stay alive and I will find you and stick a hose nozzle down your goozle.

Signed up for something called couchsurfing.com today. It lets you offer a free bed and stayover to someone needing to travel through your area. We'll see how this goes. sure to be a blog in this somewhere..have to go rinse.

Have you ever had days when your skin felt paper thin? A day when every thought and breeze was making contact like touches of whispers on your nerves . These days happen to me when I get really tired from the POTS syndrome. Stopping a moment for the freight train of my words to get past the the bass volume of the heart playing tag with cantaloupes. Today was like that. Taking steps to the flower bed, I seemed to be grabbing errant influences from the green jelliness of the lawn. Before long, I was thinking , not working or piddling. Then the ideas come leaping at the back of my head like tumblers in a circus. Idea one has to leap before the next can scramble or one has a pyramid of tangled arms and legs of life. What do I do to quieten my heart, I press down hard on my own chest while laying down of the floor or couch and determine if the pressure eased the smacking around that vessels and veins and muscles were imposing on a small space.---my chest.
My heart is ready for your emotions, it's beating harder to expand the limits so you can come in and stay. a chamber all your own. Goodnight

New Day

Where do you find your own fortitude? Somewhere deep inside you because you choose to be strong. Or is being strong in a person's dna strand. Can you be born strong, but environment erode this caveman instinct. Were all cavemen by nature, strong? If you weren't fit, then did you get your head whacked in my a club.? I wonder then about people that we classify by the "she or he is such a rock" My theory is that there are times that the rock has just survived so many clubbings that survival becomes a thread being pulled from ancient ingrained dna. What is survival anymore? It's certainly not hit or be hit, kill or be killed. So survival is dealing with some other danger like stress. Now freewill comes into play. Can you choose what your brain's reaction is to dangerous stress? Do you really have a choise about whether you are take charge, or take prisoners to keep stress at bay.? I feel that some people pull others into the cave so that they can have a place where they have some control. Often parents do this as they age and offspring seem so fit. They find some aspect of the child and pull that thread to say "I still have it and you are not taking my place" Undoubtedly the more strength in the core, the harder it is for that thread to be pulled out and frayed.

Baby Bump

Grand baby growing right along, lest any need reminding , this bundle of joy is due Dec. 25-
Sach and I have our tickets for Philadelphia on July 11-16. We fly up there for the American Justice something or other. I will meet the people in person that have been instructing me during the web conferences for legal blogging. More importantly, we'll get to see Jake and Andy during this time because New York City is just a short train ride from Philly. Sach and I plan on going back to the important sites that we visited as a family when the boys were in school. Liberty Bell, Independence Hall, etc. I also want to take the Ben Franklin tour of the city. I just have to figure out how to tell myself to take it slow and stop once in a while. I am going to rest up over these next few weeks and get my strength back. The only small factor in this whole set up is the plane ride. Hate planes, love flying! really just hate the cramped up, can't open the door and get out of here feel.
Have planted a few things today in pots. things that were not getting a chance in other sites in the yard. mostly stayed inside and caught up on some blogs and such. email, and must get captain up to speed. getting so tired makes me lose my comic edge. should tell about Friday night from a storytelling point of view.
Once upon a time there was a middle-aged girl with a dream........

Do re daring me!

I did it.-crossed 2 things off my bucket list yesterday. finished 2 weeks of singing school and performed in front of a huge crowd of people. I was the oldest solo performer by 30 years. oh well, messed up several times but I kept going. hit all my high notes and sang with joyful abandon. we had to start the last refrain over as I changed keys 2 lines too soon. I remarked to the audience that "they would just get a double dose of my high notes" some people laughed. probably in nervous anticipation that the window would crack. amazing what this little country summer day school is able to do.

today have worked in my rose beds and just lay around wondering why the meaning of life is sometimes not easier to perceive.

when you find yourself taking pictures of the sky and clouds then ease is coming easier hour by hour.

Previous Post

Never fails--I meant for the previous post to go on my "Oh, Captain, My Captain" blog. Wasn't paying attention and got it here instead. Well , that is okay as this blog tends to be disjointed and could use a little better put together post.
Today was surprising as I sounded so different out in the big room at singing school. Friendships are being established for all around me, no matter what the age group. It's amazing what can happen if you move around the perimeter and talk or listen to all. I'm not going to take the test for my level this year. I'm old enough to realize that I need several years under my belt before I even consider testing for competence.
Having quite a struggle keeping my roses all going now as the rain refuses to fall. To the south, in CR, they can't get the hay up or work in gardens because of the rain; they apparently know more moves in the rain dance than I do or maybe they are naked or something pagan. Who knows, just need moisture.

Rid'em Cowboy Memories

Talked with someone today who remembered when the boys were team roping all over the area. We were famous because I can't stand horses, but if you want to rope and ride at warp speed, okay, I'll go with you. Roping kept my kids out of a lot of trouble. Being so busy, trying to make enough money at odd jobs and such to make entry fees left two teenage kids in such a state of exhaustion that riding horses instead of the backroads took every available minute. Probably the most famous interlude was when Jake won a truck in Guthrie OK, and then wasn't old enough to sign the papers for the title! Sach still has a horse and team ropes for fun and relaxation in Bentonville. Jake has moved on to bigger arenas. I want to make an effort over the rest of the summer to get pictures and stories up on my blogs about the cowboy days. Most people who know them today in the fashion world or courtroom are somewhat surprised to find the boots and horse manure in their backgrounds.
Sports success is something that a lot of people can relate to-baseball and basketball, at least. Where the Eddy and Jeanie Oliver clan is concerned, don't count us out for anything, past or present.

Big Weekend

went to Sach and Codi's for the weekend. left Saturday and came back Sunday afternoon. pictured are the new pieces in the baby's room. Codi wants to go with a jungle theme-they went to the dr.'s today for an ultrasound-everything looked great , too soon to tell whether it is a boy or girl. The hunt for the perfects names is in full swing!
ate supper at Guido's and lunch yesterday at Jose's--diet dilemmas all over the culture swing, Italian and Mexican.

Tired

Pleasantly exhausted. Understandably saddened by the death of one of my media politicos,

Tim Russert. I yearned to be as succinct as he in my daily conversation with life.

The time came today where I just couldn't help the urge. Jumping up and quietly moving myself between 4 boys who had had all the educating they were up to today. Ironically, a young girl said, " you'd be a great teacher, Miss Jeanie"

enough said.

Hexagonal Madness

The perfect hexagons of water droplets from the soaker hose on my camera lens. Very cool...
Have appt. with Mayo Clinic in Jacksonville, Florida on Sept. 3. Wow, a road trip to see more doctors. I will hit the beaches, and any other souvenir places for memories along the way. Just think of the new photo ops for posterity's sake. I will take my camera in to all tests and such with me and record all. If nothing else, the words "Mayo Clinic" surely makes people's eyes widen in wonderment. Widen in, "My God, she is, must really be sick, let's open the door for her!"
I so appreciate the charm of instant caring in fresh meat for the "here's what is wrong with me" fan club. Amazing how total strangers love to talk about their physical ails. In all fairness, it does give everyone a common ground, no matter what the background. And for that I am very grateful for there are times that my background is so different than that of the crowd.
Today was great. Knowing that tomorrow has a plan is such an upper. Meaning to take care of the uppity heart, maybe I have been too careful with the ticker. Probably need some risk-taking dares, like singing in public.
Surrounded now for 4 days by children, ages 5 to 18, pushes sparks into my system. How can you see their faces and not want to know what put the freckles there? I can't not wish to know the pattern of how they got to where they are now. Am tired and want to read my books.
later

Breathe, Breathe, Breathe

you always get my Warhol shots here. Today was great but am exhausted. I need to blog on all of my sites but first must learn the song that I will be singing tomorrow,"Because of Who You Are." I don't have a piano here so will be listening to the music over and over. I would like to give you funny stories from singing school, but there is a ton of info that I want to practice.
later

Okay, day 2 of singing school. Didn't feel like such a fool today. The kids all still outsang me but at least I knew where the bathrooms were. Went to my first private lesson and heard good things from my voice coach. Nice to know that I can at least stay on pitch for Mary Had A Little Lamb.
Yesterday was worried about making it and 2 weeks sounded like a lifetime, but just need to get a schedule down pat in my heart and be unembarrassed to lay down with feet and notes up in the air.
They fluffed and raked the wet, cut hay today and started the baling. Eddy has been moving the bales up here to season and dry before they go in the barn. Don't want explosions and fireworks from too green bales sitting in the enclosed barn.
I'm not going to hang around the computer tonight as I'm close to being a dead duck.

Done For Today

I went way out on a limb today. Started singing school with Abby at Brockwell. Jennifer dropped us off and went back home to Salem. No one who knew me but Abby. No cell phone. Stay all day-9 to 3:30. Figure out a way to accommodate the heart and be in class. Big time class. Music theory that I haven't had for 30 years.
The fear of fainting or worse is worse than the reality. Fear of being among strangers and trying to explain if it appears that I'm having a heart attack but am not is sticky. Do not want to end up with an eager helper calling 911 and embarrassing the hell out of myself.
So I took it very easy. There are lots of breaks and I overcame the looks and put a quilt down at noon and stretched out and closed eyes. It actually broke the ice and several of the longtimers teased me about needing nap and the kids didn't. By the afternoon, I could hit the high F's and not sweat. However, I have no breath and we were sitting down which I find hard to do and sing but can't stand for very long and sing. So......
I'm typing this on microsoft word from the couch pictured and will cut/paste to blogger.
It is so exciting for a rain-plus
The hay is all down-minus
Sold cattle today-plus
A cow that we had been doctoring died-minus
Made it to one day of singing school-plus
Maggie is in heat,so maybe more puppies-plus
10 neighbor dogs are chasing through my flower beds-minus
Seesaw world.
Well, need to go see if NBA finals are on, if not, to bed to read.

Wedding Song

We were at Matt and Lindsey's wedding yesterday evening. A lady sang the wedding song which I sang at Susie's and Cindy's wedding. It's a lovely reminder of what some people are essentially searching for with committing to survive in the same house or space with another person that you think you can't live without.
I'm working on sending files of photos to Jake and Codi who couldn't be there. I tried to get as much of a sequence as I could from a folding chair. So all of the pics are essentially of someone seated while the action swirled around her. I think that I will just add pics to this site via a slide show as that is the easiest way to record for posterity sake when I have used photos for memory's sake.
They are cutting hay in the meadow and one must make hay while the sun shines. We will do round bales and start the refill option on the barn for the never ending cycle of seasons of feeding. The farming is not fun now with the cost of fuel and fertilizer. I hate the furrowed look on Eddy's brow as he figures cost and outlay. We only fertilized the hay fields this year and none of the grazing pasture. This , of course, means sell cattle which we are today. Sending loads of calves to the salebarn for the sale on Monday. Selling makes Eddy grouchy. To add to his grief, oil went up Friday and the stock market fell which will ultimately knock off our profit tomorrow. My computer doesn't seem as active today. Maybe I'm just impatient. I hate the hot wind blowing and I can't seem to adjust to the heat now.
I'll try going outside and I can at least stand there with a hose. From feast to famine on the water situation in North Arkansas.

Kitchen Table

I'm tired but happy tonight. Jen brought the girls over and we have played and talked like crazy. The minute they got here, Eddy took the girls down to his parents on the mule, and Jen and I talked a mile a minute. Actually, I jabbered and she patiently let me pour words at her like a desert storm. I miss having someone to, I admit it freely, gossip with. It's the one thing you can't do with blog friends because to really down home gossip, you have to know the same people! There has to be some common person that has, alas, some defect in their behavior and it can only be solved by detailing all faults. and he said, she said!
Starting next week, I'm going to attempt to attend singing school at Brockwell with Jen and Abby. It's been a dream of mine for years and summer workshops for educational inservice kept getting in the schedule. So we will go down on Monday, and see which level that I will test out into. It will mostly be gospel, and full-bodied gospel at that. I hope that I can make it all day for the duration of the school. We will go prepared with a quilt for me to stretch out on after lunch. Keep your fingers crossed for me.
one more thought, the above pic is my "tablescape" . One of my favorite cooking shows,"Semi-homemade with Sandra Lee" has a section in which she puts together an arrangement of objects for the table. Sometimes, the objects take up all the room and Eddy has to eat on the couch. We give all to our art.
I was a whole lot sad this morning with gulping and sniffling sobs because Codi and Sach were coming for the weekend. Codi's pregnancy is keeping her very sick so that was cancelled. I miss my kids, Sach, Codi, and Jake. I'm left with Eddy and a small black dog that is in heat. There have been a few scuffles today with the neighborhood mutts, and pedigrees. Well, to bed, to rise again tomorrow and lose more bets that Hills was going to be vice-president.
Maybe something earthshaking will happen overnight.

Check out my Slide Show!

Check out my Slide Show!

Dead Meat

Interesting pic. I was trying to get the up close shot and over shot the matter. I am typing while sitting here absolutely soaking wet from sweat. I made it tonight only a few feet behind Eddy. It really helped my cause that he had imbibed a little tipple. Have had one of those kind of clear days that I used to have 300 days a year. Now I may go for 65 clear days and 400 foggy ones! Thoughts just snapping in and out, ideas for decorating, and great comments for other blogs that I don't put up yet because I don't want to seem trivial on someone else's blog.

When Eddy came home, he was in foreman mode and snapped out directions for 5 minutes. Now mind you, I don't have a boss any more and he's not getting the job. So my reaction was, "move it yourself" . Well , maybe I said some things with hell, damn, and ass. But we have seen how earthquaking some get when I put what I'm really thinking or saying so we'll leave it at that.

Had a webinar conference today with Injuryboard.com and people from all over the US. The cool thing about my life right now is that I am beginning to meld with the universe and don't feel like doing dead bone serious blogs about things that are not safe for you or ways to prevent your own death. Therefore, I don't have to. A lot of years have gone into this soul, mind, brain or mush and smelling sweaty and typing has become a right, not a privilege.

While talking to my sister and hearing the clarity in her voice now that school is out, I am so thankful for her life that is coming together. Must go for awhile as I think that the stairs won't come up to meet me now, and the puddle under the seat of my pants is getting wet.

Age Spots, Freckles, or A Sign of the Times

People get age spots and roses get black spot. Just as I need a dusting of powder to cover the ravages of sun, wind and rain, so do my roses. I do legal blogs about the dangers of chemicals around the house and yard, yet I am about ready to throw in the towel and work some Dow Chemical Company into the bed of roses. The truth of the matter is that my environment is so alien to what roses flourish in in other parts of the world, it's unnatural to even suspect that they would hit blue ribbon size in the wind and dry environment. Why do I plant them then? There's just something sweet and touching about a bush that will produce soft, feathery, baby fine petals over and over again. It's like the roses look at me and yearn for me to love them, to find a way for them to break out of the bare root dungeon of Ozark Clay dirt. If I can run enough well water down over the roots, they'll have a chance. A chance to peek out from that bud , tightly closed, against intruders.

I am so entranced with my garden now that I don't care about cleaning house or writing funny stories. The squash, beans , and tomatoes, along with the cucumbers have replaced my school children. The more time that I spend mulching, reading veggie books, learning the best methods, and mixing in compost and manure, the more luxuriant the result. They remind my mind that something needs me, even if to turn on a hose and crawl around pulling out small sprigs of grass. Magic garden, I love you. Flower beds, you mean that I have a friend.

I'm talking to plants again, imitating bird calls, and stalking snakes, butterflies and moths. Tomorrow will come with the warm day and shovels and hoes will dance over to the back door . Ready to do the watermelon crawl!!!!

Small spots of loveliness in one's life are sometimes all the stimuli a body can take. I have neglected my blogging in these past two weeks as I have been on the go so much. This week was the end of school for kids and for me. I doubt that I get to Calico Rock next year just because it is hard to have conversation with people that you only see once in a while. On Thursday I rode to school with Jennifer and the girls as it was a half day and there was a potluck. The most gorgeous, fattening, tempting type foods show up on these days. Tara had invited me and they had cake and punch for everyone who was leaving. That would be 5 of us. Of course, I had already left, so for me it was a funny feeling. I never got to cry and talk with everyone as I was in bed the whole month of October and November. Changes like retiring are very exacting on the edges of one's life. One life doesn't tend to bleed over into the other.

This is rambling, but that is really what "undone" is all about. Unraveling the pieces of memories or daily thoughts and then taking the pieces and reattaching to new hooks.

On Friday night, Tara, Laura, Missy and myself went to the movie. We, (I) pranced in on teeter totter high heels to "Sex and the City" the movie. All of us get-with-it wannabe girls from small town, USA in our dressup clothes and loving it, watching for one more episode of the girls that we had followed, mesmerized, making it in the biggest city, NYC. Afterwards, we went to Chili's and had cosmos in honor of the movie. I did not like that combination of cranberry juice and vodka? Not being a true blue drinker, I thought mine was very strong. It could be that 3 drinks in 6 months make momma an easy hit!